Many of you have written asking where I’ve been, when I’ll return, thinking I’ve been in line at the gun store stocking up on bannables and such. Well . . . I was. I was standing in a long line, arms full of arms, when I thought to myself, “Why am I doing this?”
At that moment the mental clouds parted and the love penetrated my being. It was an awakening, spiritual and mental. I returned the items to the shelves and asked others to abandon their pieces and follow the way of the peaceful warrior, to forget the phallus and the weapon, to embody the love. They looked at me strange, the store owner asked me to leave, and I left the store of steel penises that shoot bullets instead of seeds.
I am abandoning SHTFblog and I am joining the path of Flowerman, to northern Idaho where I intend to commune with the People of the Petunia. I will give love and share arousal. These past several weeks I have been giving up my worldly possessions through eBay, lawn sales, and charity. The proceeds will go to fund my cross-country trip to Idaho and to secure a stake in the Petunia Patch I will plant with my fellow warriors of peace, love, and vegan lifestyle. Yes, my party peeps, I am feeling groovy.
Ranger Woman, the kids, and I are now packing what few items we still own (as though anyone can ever “own” material of the Earth), and will embark on a walking/hitchhiking journey to the Promise Land. Our children will hold signs on their backs that read “Family of Peace – can we bum a ride?” We must ride the fossil fuel dependent vehicles on one last trip to the Fields of Azure and root vegetables.
People of the Petunia and Flowerman, if you are reading this, please save a place for us at the dinner table. We will be tired, dirty, and hungry, so please have a juicy T-bone steak bowl of grass for us to eat. Save the apple sauce for our children. They are not taking this transition well. I explained to them that they can no longer eat their favorite cereal, Fruit Loops, but they could instead BECOME a fruit loop. I don’t think they understood, but they will, those silly, silly children.
SHTFblog readers and fans, I know this is bad news for you, but I welcome you to join us. If you can’t, you can support us through other means. Sales made through the Amazon link will be donated to the People of the Petunia in support of free love.
ABANDON YOUR GUNS AND FIND YOUR AROUSAL. It is time!
- Ranger Man
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{ 24 comments }
Yep between the prices and lack of bannables rangerman has flipped his lid. Everyone has their breaking point and I believe we have just seen his. But don’t despair Rawles is still out there. As for you rangerman it will all be good have fun with the People of the Petunia. For everything will be ok until winter or MZB’s get you first. Peace out Rangerman and gives us a shout when you come “down” from your “grass” dinner.
Peace Out look up April when you get there!
HAHAHAHA
Ya,
Pretty good joke. Comic relief in a world gone mad!!
If this is what you forsee as the way then go on and go on, just don’t expect me to follow. You sound about half-baked anyway and now you’ve proven it. You must be about as dumb as Dakin, may he rule.
WTF….
Either that was one funny tongue-in-cheek post, or your testicles acutely shut down testosterone production.
Either way, if you’re serious, swing by Montana and drop off all your guns and ammo at your nearest veteran’s food pantry. Veterans will gladly take the burden of such worldly possessions.
Please tell me this is an evil joke
Congradulations! Wish we could all do the same.
Uh…what? Its not a dream? For a moment, I was seeing myself prancing through the woods with flowers in my hair. Eh…I’m going back to sleep. Someone hit me over the head.
im closer to ya,,,drop ya shit here and ill give ya a ride
I have no idea what to make of this post – if it’s supposed to be funny, it’s not. If it’s supposed to be serious, it perplexing.
Damn. And there I was standing in line at Eric’s to buy some stripped lowers – and hoping to shake your hand and thank you for some great reads when you came in for your black rifle fix.
Hope all goes well on your exodus west to find your true self. But I have a sneaking suspicion that your true self is happiest with a PMAG in one hand and a couple of stripper clips in the other, using the edge of Mrs. RM’s kitchen countertop to push the rounds in while she yells “You’ll mess up the Corian!”
Good one Rangerman!
Well, at least it’s one less thing I have to hit F5 for in the morning.
Have fun, take lots of KY, you’re gonna need it to choke down that wheak gwass.
Oh, and Prep-H.
(next thing he’ll be quoting the Koran and waging a jihad against gun owners :-) )
(going to repent tomorrow, right?! Lymes disease from too many deer ticks? Bit o’ frosttbite on the ol’ noggin?) Let us know when you’ll be “back” since you’re obviously “gone” right now :-)0
Sounds like the Men In Black visited him with their mind ray. Good luck hippie dude.
Outstanding ‘return’ post, and yes — I thought it was funny as heck! Guys, please — Ranger Man isn’t serious.
Ranger – wish you were coming to N. Idaho, cause I know it would be for the pansies!
wtf? somehow i don’t believe this
WOW!! I’ve not had anything that mind altering since that last sweet hit of ‘Laotian Green’ just prior to leaving the ‘Nam’; and THAT was in 1971!! Greg
Somebody pick up the Rangermans cheese and set it back on his cracker
What the hell?
I think that was the gayest thing I’ve ever read.
I just stepped outside and unloaded my AK47 into the air in mourning.
You will be missed Flowerboy. Surely there is a warped reader in here somewhere that can run and/or buy this fucking blog and keep us paranoid single issue voters at bay.
I tried to click the link to “People of the Petunia” but it didn’t work. Can I come with you?
Well see you there. Save me a big manly hunk of tempeh, brother.
Lock n load, er… I mean… unlock n unload.
Piece, Brau.
I’m pretty surprised to see so many negative comments. Seriously guys, walk a mile in a man’s shoes.
That way you’ll be a mile away with his shoes and he won’t be able to catch you ;).