Replacing an Empty Suit: Drafting a New Speaker

An ugly divorce often has a familiar victim.  The kids.  And so it goes as conservatives continue to beat the war drums in pursuit Survivalist Blogof a party that actually stands for something, the children (a presidential election) are dying on the vine.  Adding a spine to the Party of Lincoln is noble work to be sure, but November’s 2016 chances could end up collateral damage.   And just as things seemingly couldn’t get any more difficult for the Grand Old Party, there is suddenly an opening at the top legislative post.

By Professor Liberty Mize, a contributing author of SHTFBlog

Perma-tan Obama lapdog John Boehner is resigning and with his resignation comes a job opening a scant two heartbeats from the presidency.  So we turn to our Constitution for guidance, and there buried in Article I, Section 2, Clause 5 of Obama’s TP we find it.

Hope

The Speaker of the House isn’t merely a career politician’s to win.  Written in plain English the Constitution is clear that the new speaker need not be a member of the People’s House, though it always has.   Interesting.  So since the path we are on is so brutal, why not mix it up?  Who should we draft to take over the post?  I’ve got a few ideas.

Bill Belichick

Why He’d be Great – He’s the son of a military man so you know he was raised right.  He has a deep and rich understanding ofsurvival blog strategy and game-planning better than anyone else on the planet.  He also is adept at managing conflicting egos and putting the team above all else.  Perhaps most impressive, he’s shown the uncanny ability to know when to cut a veteran or change course.  Most of all, he’s the master at doggedly pursuing his end goal through any means necessary, something Republicans really and I mean REALLY suck at.

Downsides – Moral baggage and questionable ethics.  He once allegedly dated his secretary and destroyed her marriage.  Oh yeah and the fact that he cheats to win football games.  Wait, no moral compass and a willingness to break the rules?  How is this guy not already in congress?

Dr. Condaleezza Rice

Why She’d be Great – Russia is a major player these days and Dr. Rice is the foremost authority.  She’s got the foreign policy Survival Blogchops for the gig and seems like a real bridge-builder in terms of getting things done.  She balanced the books at Stanford, how much harder can the federal government be?  Has the federal government ever won the Pac-12 North?  I rest my case.

Downsides – Our president is an academic with very little experience as a leader, it would be pretty tough to counter with more of the same.  Add in the fact that she’s lukewarm on protecting the unborn and it is all probably too much to overcome.  That and she’d have to resign her seat on the College Football Playoff Selection Committee and that’s unlikely.  Priorities people!

General David Petraeus

Why He’d be Great Military man and leader of men.  To whip these clowns into shape it may take a General.  He’s obviously got the leadership piece down cold, understands our foreign policy and likely still has connections with a few CIA spooks to get some good covert shit going with ISIS.  Heck the guy even makes a cameo in Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 so he’d for sure get the nerd support.

Downsides – He’s currently on probation for sharing classified materials and once slept with his biographer.  But hey who among us can’t count those same exact sins?

Elon Musk

Why He’d be Great – He may very well be the smartest guy on the planet.  PayPal, Tesla Motors, SpaceX et al.  Everything the Survival Blogguy touches goes on a steep trajectory up.  He’s clearly an idea man and the Repubs could use a few of those in advancing legislation.

Downsides – He’s probably not even a Republican.  He says he likes the fiscal side and not the social side of the platform, that’s tough.  That and he currently lives in Bel Air.  I have yet to meet a fiscal conservative from that zip code.  Plus to take the $223,000 salary would be like a million percent pay cut for him.  Hard to picture someone staying focused after that.

What do you think?  Who can we draft to pull us out of this mess and get shit done? Your nominations are welcomed in the comment section.

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9 comments… add one
  • Doc Montana October 13, 2015, 10:20 pm

    How about this guy?

    http://missoulian.com/news/state-and-regional/zinke-says-he-is-considering-running-for-house-speaker/article_f7b3e1ac-e882-5652-9f2e-8bd1d421f751.html

    The Zink is a former SEAL and a Montanan. Can’t get any tougher or smarter than that.

    Reply
  • Taxdn2poverty October 14, 2015, 1:56 am

    Reference General Betrayus: Yep I’m a sinner too, but unlike him, I didn’t draw a taxpayer funded career and retirement to do it. Unlike him also, I didn’t sell my country down the river for a wet spot on a mattress. He pled his case down to a misdemeanor, while Snowden is in self exposed exile, and fears for his life daily. Betrayus should have been executed by firing squad. Period

    Reply
  • Roger October 14, 2015, 2:50 pm

    Sheriff Joe! What else needs to be said!

    Reply
    • Codpiece October 14, 2015, 3:52 pm

      Well if we’re bottom feeding then why not Cliven. This is only America. Not some important place.

      Reply
  • sirlancelot October 15, 2015, 8:55 pm

    Why the dig at Belichick ?

    C’mon dude, it’s the New England Patriots

    We love ya Maine :-)

    Reply
  • Anonymous October 22, 2015, 10:01 pm

    Sheriff David Clarke

    Reply
  • BamaMan October 26, 2015, 3:18 pm

    NICK SABAN!!!

    Reply
  • Lance October 28, 2015, 2:44 pm

    Would love for Ted Cruz to get drafted!

    Reply
  • Lance November 1, 2015, 12:41 am

    Paul Ryan!!!! Oh wait am I too late hahaha..

    Reply

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