Many of you have written asking where I’ve been, when I’ll return, thinking I’ve been in line at the gun store stocking up on bannables and such. Well . . . I was. I was standing in a long line, arms full of arms, when I thought to myself, “Why am I doing this?”
At that moment the mental clouds parted and the love penetrated my being. It was an awakening, spiritual and mental. I returned the items to the shelves and asked others to abandon their pieces and follow the way of the peaceful warrior, to forget the phallus and the weapon, to embody the love. They looked at me strange, the store owner asked me to leave, and I left the store of steel penises that shoot bullets instead of seeds.
I am abandoning SHTFblog and I am joining the path of Flowerman, to northern Idaho where I intend to commune with the People of the Petunia. I will give love and share arousal. These past several weeks I have been giving up my worldly possessions through eBay, lawn sales, and charity. The proceeds will go to fund my cross-country trip to Idaho and to secure a stake in the Petunia Patch I will plant with my fellow warriors of peace, love, and vegan lifestyle. Yes, my party peeps, I am feeling groovy.
Ranger Woman, the kids, and I are now packing what few items we still own (as though anyone can ever “own” material of the Earth), and will embark on a walking/hitchhiking journey to the Promise Land. Our children will hold signs on their backs that read “Family of Peace – can we bum a ride?” We must ride the fossil fuel dependent vehicles on one last trip to the Fields of Azure and root vegetables.
People of the Petunia and Flowerman, if you are reading this, please save a place for us at the dinner table. We will be tired, dirty, and hungry, so please have a
juicy T-bone steak bowl of grass for us to eat. Save the apple sauce for our children. They are not taking this transition well. I explained to them that they can no longer eat their favorite cereal, Fruit Loops, but they could instead BECOME a fruit loop. I don’t think they understood, but they will, those silly, silly children.
SHTFblog readers and fans, I know this is bad news for you, but I welcome you to join us. If you can’t, you can support us through other means. Sales made through the Amazon link will be donated to the People of the Petunia in support of free love.
ABANDON YOUR GUNS AND FIND YOUR AROUSAL. It is time!
– Ranger Man