So maybe some of you have had better experience with container gardening and tomato plants, but my experience blows. Hey, whatever. It’s all part of the learning experience, I figure. Now I know what NOT to do, AND I’m writing it down here for you to read, so you don’t do what I did. Isn’t that just raging nice of me?
So here it is, I have yard space to plant tomatoes, but I really needed to fence the space on account of the deer, and I wanted to try tomato plants on my back deck. This is what I did:
- Went to Amato’s Italian Sandwich Shop every few days and bugged the sandwich makers during their busy time of day, asking if I can have FREE food grade pickle buckets. They would typically give me one or two – with the covers. I asked until they started looking annoyed every time I asked.
- I drilled small holes in the bottom of the buckets to allow for drainage, then I placed brown, bleach free coffee filters over the holes so the soil mix wouldn’t drain out. Mmmm, bleach free coffee filters, kinda makes ya feel crunchy and shit.
- I dumped regular old store bought soil mix into the buckets. *look of shock and awe* “What!?” you ask. “Not ORGANIC soil mix!? But you use crunchy coffee filters? You hypocrite-bastard!”
- Stuck the tomato plants in the freakin’ things, placed them on the back deck and smiled with glee.
That was dumb for a number of reasons:
- Tomatoes need lots of water, and container gardening requires extra watering.
- Dark buckets (like my green buckets) dry out faster – needs even more watering. Tomato plants are water sensitive little cry babies.
- It was a friggin’ bitch trying to maintain correct watering levels.
Needless to say, they turned out shitty. The water stress caused shitty “Blossom-End Rot.” Just look at this CRAP:
This is the stage they reached before I gave up on the sad little bastards:
Whatever. Next year they’ll go in the ground. Time to buy some canned tomato sauce, stock the shelves, you know, with Doomsday approaching and all . . . . . maybe some Dinty Moore, too.
– Ranger Man