My mother asked me this weekend, what I plan to do with family members who don’t prep, in the event of an actual SHTF emergency. Her and Daddy are some of those non-preppers, even though they know all about my views on that subject. On a side note, does it tarnish my prepper creds when I can’t even convince my own parents to prep?
Really, in my mind, there are two questions inside my mother’s query. 1) Will I help them if the SHTF? 2) How far do I plan on helping, in terms of number of people/days?
These are questions every prepper needs to ask themselves when they start prepping, and it probably needs to be re-asked every few years or so as situations change. I figure the answer to the first question will depend on the magnitude of the emergency. If it’s a small localized emergency, like a chance act of nature wiping their house off the crust of the planet, then yea, I’m absolutely going to help them. I may not have the liquid assets to help them pay for a few months in a hotel, but I can offer them an air mattress and the use of a bedroom. I know my food stores could feed the extra people for quite awhile, even if they couldn’t grab anything on their way out the door. Most people in my family would receive the same answer, not just my folks. That’s just the way I feel about things though, I know people say who feel otherwise. They figure anyone who doesn’t prep, doesn’t deserve any help when the SHTF. I understand the sentiment, but I know I wouldn’t actually be able to turn them away, so I just include them in my plans.
What about a larger magnitude SHTF event? Would I still take on an older couple with not much prepped and health problems to boot? Yes. Even then. Everyone has their imperfections, weak points and ailments, we’re not robots. What they lack in health, they make up for with experience. (Hopefully they don’t hate me for that line.) There are so many reasons why increasing the average number of adults in a household makes good sense. Easier care of children or those needing nursing. More hands to help bring in food and money. More eyes on watch.
Now, sadly, I know that not everyone ends up with the same distribution of positive qualities when it comes to their non-prepping relatives. If said relative would bring violence or hate into the house, it’s probably a better bet to decide against letting them in. You could still aid them with food or other assistance, just make sure you plan for that in your preps.
Planning is important, otherwise you might not have enough to give, or you might be tempted to give more than you can spare. I know, for instance that we could feed 2 more adults for at least 4 months, before we would need to switch some funds around to start buying more groceries. It’s not a bad idea to run some numbers, be it calorie or meal based, just to give yourself a rough estimate for times/amounts. Use the number of people you think you’d be most likely to take in. See how long you can stretch supplies. I know I mostly prep for my immediate family, but it’s nice to know that I can use the same stash to help family in need, and I like to know some hard numbers for that.
How about you? Do you know the answer to the question? Don’t wait till they show up on your door to figure it out. Will you help non-prepping loved ones? Do you and your spouse have the same answer to the question?
29 comments
We live along the border with Canada, my Wife’s family lives in central Florida. We still live too close to them!
As they are retired and spend every cent they have on butts and beer, they are not ready for anything should the SHTF. We send them money every month and try to talk to them about saving something. This has gone on for over 10 years.
My point, you just can’t cure stupid.
Strangely enough, my family is scattered all over the continent. They’re not dumb people at all (most are professionals), but I think I’m it for prepping.
On an objective level, they’re all too far away to make it here if things went ‘splat’, which means I don’t really have to prep too much for them. On a moral level, it sucks, because I love them dearly, and want them to make it.
I’m about to send copies of a work-in-progress to my parents, and they both know that I prep. After that, I can do no more but hope.
i encourage my family to prep. encouragement is what i can offer them. i don’t have the resources to put up extra food for people who disregard common sense, though i wish i could.
i will turn away friends, especailly those who i’ve warned to get ready.
you are right
I live a little bit above the poverty line and as such have to do my prepping a little different than someone who has a middle class income. As such, my stored food is only enough to feed myself for about 2 months in a worst-case scenario ( I can’t realistically afford more right now). My parents also have a little stored food, but no guns and no garden. However, I am working towards turning my whole back yard into a garden that should be able to support 4 adults in a pinch. So, that is my plan. I also have 2 guns and ammo, thus allowing for more than one person to be armed if things ever get that bad. Another thing I have is older, more sturdy machinery that is built to last a long time in order to perform many tasks ( typewriter, bicycle, sewing machine, tools, civil defense meters, etc.). I keep much of that stuff not to survive some sort of apocalypse, but rather so that I can afford to live day to day on my own skills and labor and not waste my meager income on the labor of others. I also barter labor with people I know who have essential skills that I lack. In the end, I feel that the best preparation you can do is to learn skills. After all, if you find yourself a refugee for some reason, what is in your mind is all you can really take with you.
In the end, I know I can’t prep for everything. I hope that the worst will not come as me and my family will not be able to survive for long on what we have. At best, we are prepared for a regional disruption and have the ability to carry ourselves through for a few months until some semblance of order is restored. Anything after that will require resourcefulness and the ability to adapt to rapidly changing situations.
It all depends on the event doesn’t it? If you are talking a local emergency or temporary emergency, or even “hard times” for all, then of course you help. If you are talking end of the world as we know it, that is different. Then it becomes a matter of triage.
My family will not starve to feed family members who had the opportunity to prepare and did not. This isn’t a matter of “they don’t deserve help”. It is a matter of my duty being to keep my immediate family alive. I would have made an exception for my parents and I will make an exception for my wife’s parents if they can get here.
We are super poor (like actually LIVING on our preps right now; without them would prolly have had to go get food stamps. yuck) and anyway, we prep boring food (for the most part) and spices to mix things up.
We have enough to feed our family for about two months. IF my family can get here, then it goes down to one month.
If hubby’s family can make it, then it goes down to about 2 weeks worth of food. :/
I just wish I could prep for more, and the second he gets a job we are hoping to prep for about a year right away…
I just know myself. if they got to us, in some sort of apocoliptic event I would not be able to send them away. that being said they are about 4 hours away, in los angeles, and probably wont make it to vegas.
As much as I really hate to say it, get food stamps if you can. As a matter of principle, the idea of doing so disgusts me. However, you are in a survival situation and you need to do what you can to get through it. The food stamps will help you stretch out your preps longer and let you allocate resources elsewhere. The whole system is going to crash in a few years anyways and there is nothing you can do to stop it, so why not use it while you have a real need and can get it? Would you turn down a loaf of bread looted from a supermarket if your family were starving? Probably not. So, grow a garden if you can but do whatever you have to (within the law) in the meantime.
I agree with Winston Smith. Foodstamps are there for a temporary help, and I encourage everyone who truly needs a bit of temporary help to take advantage of that opportunity. In the future when you are in a better situation, you can “give back” by volunteering to food banks or helping out other charities. The people who don’t abuse the system are the ones who should be most ready to avail themselves of it, and sadly are the ones who most hesitate to do so. Please don’t let your pride make it harder to get yourself back on your feet.
I am quite worried about my other half’s 2 adult sons showing up with God knows who. If it were just them, it would be fine, but they always seem to have an group of people around them and I am afraid that they will show up with the boys. On the bright side, the “boys” are 21 & 25, so they can definitely provide manual labor when needed, even if it is to send them fishing for dinner. I expect that my 2 teens will be providing manual labor as well.
We live in a mixed area with both suburbs and farms, so we have some neighbors. About two years ago I purchased 6-7 basic books on survivalism at $25.00 ea. and wrapped them in brown paper. I then put them in my neighbor’s mailbox with unsigned notes which read, “This is for your family to get ready for the hard times which are coming”.
I feel that I did what I could without making myself out as a Target or a Crazy.
Good idea, little pricey :) . The wife and I have discussed BOBs and BOLs and emergencies (tornadoes, trucking strikes, job loss) and she’s coming around, still dragging her feet a bit. Hard to change a mindset you’ve had for 20 years I guess.
I’m leaning towards similar, but partly preps and partly church. I’m stocking up on water and setting disguised rain catches for my direct family, but I’m looking at holding water purifying chemicals, a stock of long sheets of visqueen and trash bags for the neighbors. When things look real shaky, I plan on putting it forward as ” you know I looked it up the other day and the water supply might get a bit unstable. I grabbed some visqueen at Home Depot the other day, I put up a little for my family as a rain catch, do you have any in case? I have a little left over, wait here, let me go get it.” And do the same with pool shock: “I forgot, one of the other things I read was about using pool shock for water purifying, I had a little left from our pool supplies, I brought you some….” Maybe mention getting water from pipes now before they stop working.
I’m thinking maybe I should work in something about them stocking food (what’s available) and work in something about any friends or family who are farmer’s/gardeners. Maybe with “I’ve got a second cousin who has a farm in (out of town) and I’m thinking of asking them for some food, just in case, do you know anyone ….” Always working on the idea that I didn’t prepare like them, but I do have knowledge (not supplies) and am ‘community minded’ i.e. willing to share the tiny (as far as they know) bit of what I have. Plus point out the near river.
I’m also going to talk to my church about getting some simple preps (see above & basic meals) so we can help our older members if they need.
As to family, a few know I am an avid tent/hiking camper so I might be a good resource. And I would be – there’s a big river 3 miles from us via 2 lane roads and I would help them get water from the river and fish from same: would offer the basics to go with their catch and river water; salt, a little rice, a few canned veggies. The main stay of my immediate family’s food would stay cached until I knew that the initial shock was over and non-immediate family were dealing with the dietary/life changes in an ok manner.
I guess it comes down to being the go to person for more than they have, but not the ‘survivalist with 6,000 MREs’. Become the person they speak about, “this guy will make it through and if we emulate him and get his help, we can make it through.” Become indispensable but at the same time, not perceived as resources rich. I could be making smoke dreams and believing I can be subtle and still help. Who knows, I’m by nature a loner, but my family has far better chances if I don’t act like one; So I will be social.
Just a little story from an old survivalist. We tried to get one neighbor into prepping, as he seemd open to the idea. 3 months later he was caught breaking into our home. His target was our AR-15’s and ammo.
Okayyy… He got the message but missed the point! Why would you break into a person’s house who had AR15’s? That’s like the guy trying to hold up the jewelry store next to a gun store and getting the wrong door. You’ll survive all of 45 seconds. If I know you’ve got guns and use them, stealing from you is begging to be dispatched in a hot flying lead-like manner. I guess after helping them I should start mentioning that my career Army brother-in-law is coming to help watch the daughter’s baby. Then shiver and get a frightened look on my face. :)
My side of the family is prepping, so I don’t have to worry about them. My husband’s side of the family does not. His older siblings have practical skills that would be really useful, his youngest sister is as useless as hen sh#t on a pump handle. I know she would turn up at our house with her awful kids and empty hands. My father in law would not turn her away and I wouldn’t either for that matter but you had better believe I would put her to work immediately. There is always something to do around here.
That’s similar to how I feel about my younger sister. I know she’d show up empty handed, but I know we’d have enough things to do that she could work for her dinner. I know I wouldn’t feel bad about withholding said dinner if the work wasn’t getting done.
Just tell her “You get your dinner in the process of making it for others. Some raw veggies as you pick/weed/feed, everything else when you put it on their plates.” My brother would put fish on the table, that’s about all he could, (no real outdoor skills otherwise), his wife, from what I can tell, would bring nothing special, but another set of hands and an ammo bearer. Oh, and a person who could collect expensive baskets. :) They have 2 sons that wouldn’t be much good at first but likely to learn quickly.
My wife would be the all things to all people – she may not have a lot of outdoor skills but she’s willing to listen and do whatever told. Her mother’s a gardener and seamstress. Her sister’s a nurse but very unlikely to try to get here. My nephew, is working on defensive skills and listens and does well. The wife’s brother-in-law was career military up to Colonel in Army and we get along well enough. My niece has some Americorps experience and if you can keep her on track, she’s much like my wife, a real trooper with low # of farm/outdoor skills. My mother, if we knew where she was, would only bring equestrian, canine and a little gardening experience, well those and some construction experience.
We have a few low skilled, a few mixed, a few high level, so really I don’t see why we wouldn’t welcome them, with caveats of course. “We planned for us alone so you really have to pull your weight…”
Family is too far away from us now. If daughters were closer, they’d be an asset. Most of my acquaintances and neighbors would not be of any use, but a handful would be welcome. I have sort of adopted a few younger adults who have the right basic skills, are reliable, and listen to me and will follow direction. In a SHTF situation, I would feed them and house them, knowing they will contribute the manpower we will need for other things. I have enough arsenal and provisions to take on maybe 6 extra mouths besides the wife and I without resupply for 6 months or so. By then, either I will have worked out enough alternatives to perpetuate, or things will have gone bad enough that nothing I do would change the outcome.
My eldest daughter lives just a mile away and is barely scraping by — and I know she’d be on our doorstep in case of a disaster, because she’s already on our doorstep whenever she needs a favor. I do what I can to help in ways that will actually help (such as helping her with job-related needs to get back on her feet). My mom lives 60 miles away — and thank heavens that she no longer lives further north in the town where my sister lives, as they were both flooded out of their homes in that area TWICE in the last decade. My sister has an extensive support network of in-laws & friends to turn to, instead of a sister who is 100 miles away, but my mom might show up on my doorstep. She doesn’t prep but is solidly pro-prepping (and “raised country” so she has lots of neat skills too).
I would have taken in my parents under any circumstances and I have no doubt they would have done the same. They passed away years ago. About half of my remaining family members cannot be trusted and without the rule of law they would no doubt kill me or you or anyone who had something they wanted. Make no mistake there are bad people in this world and some of them are likely to be related to you or your nieghbors. After the SHTF people who are bad will become worse. You cannot afford to have someone sleeping on your couch who has no morals and wants what you have. Be careful who you take in.
My grandparents were raised in the depression years so they beat into my parents head about get extra when you can. l remember 6 cabinets of canned goods, boxed goods and a full upright freezer so full you could barely close it all my life growing up. My mom has always bought out the store so to speak when a good deal came her way. If a SHTF situation came up besides what l have prepped already, l plan on hitting her house up and pulling her and her stores all to my house.(safety in numbers)
When l started into prepping l always did it with my sister and her family in mind as well as my four kids and grand kids. I got things that l know her kids like as well as what mine like. My brother in law took a fireman/EMT course so he will be valuable. My sister has been gardening and l can sew/quilt to some degree. We have all been learning to do things so we can all help the “collective” family if needed.
As far as neighbors? l don’t know them so doubt they would even look to me for help but if they do l also bought extra things like mac and cheese and rice and many types of soup bullion to make like “care packages” for scragglers who need help. l also planted a small community garden outside of my job that l can steer them to for food.
On the relative issue – any half-decent parent took care of you when you were a squalling fragile thing, that took up resources they could’ve used elsewhere – food, money, opportunities, sleep… and why? Because it’s payback time. That’s what sets humanity apart. Guilt. A.k.a. “blood ties”. lol.
But to me personality is more important than prepping. Any preps could be wasted on the wrong person. Think about any selfish/abusive/cruel people you put up with now – if you wouldn’t let them into your foxhole, why do you let them into your life now? Or vice versa – if I’m in Hell in a handbasket, I sure don’t need someone counting my beans, looking at me like a turkey leg, or deciding they’re God’s anointed because the wind is blowing their way.
Most important things I’m looking for, besides skills, is: having self-control, ability to plan, dependable, inventive, not greedy, not whiny. Also a sense of humor (you’ll need it) and kindness – to be blunt, why bother to save an unkind person? Enough of that in the world as it is.
To answer your question, yes without question I would help out those family members who are not prepped & why not? I am a firm believer in the tribe mentality & am not an isolationist.
Nasa did studies years ago in preparation for a long space journey. They took volunteers who would stay in isolated space journy like conditions. Without exception any group larger the two always developed problems. With three people two would always team up and work against the single individual. with four or five or more there would always be at least two different groups that would arise with negative results. Two people worked over time but any other size group failed. And these people were intelligent capable people unlike your brother in law or your nieghbor’s teenager. Take it for what it’s worth.
The two problems as I see it will be multiple alpha males (and females) who will openly or clandestinely work to dethrone the leader. The second problem will be the loner or unstable individual who disagrees with the leadership, the rules, the fairness of distribution of food or whatever and goes postal. Add into this mix the sexual tension that will inevitably result in any group thrown together by chance and circumstances. My conclusion is if you want to assure your groups failure then take in all family members and nieghbors who show up.
Here is the confusion I see that has created this concept that “we can all get along”. You take a book like Patriots where the author can control what each person in the story does and you can create this scene where a group of unrelated and related people coalesce into an effective “family” who get along and provide for each other and life is beautiful. But it’s unrealistic. Probably if the story followed human nature more correctly the book wouldn’t have sold as many copies. We all want to believe it’s possible to create a survival group and be stronger because of it. But that ignores human nature.
So what will you do when Jane doe in your group starts sleeping with Joe nobody and Mr Doe wants blood? Kick all three out? Let then figure it out? What do you do when Joe Nobody takes a little extra food every night while you are all asleep? What about when two brothers get in a fist fight and one gets seriously injured? What if Joe Nobody wants to take over and kills you (or who ever the leader is) and declares himself in charge? What if a gang shows up and it’s lead by Joe Nobody’s brother and he decides to help them overthrow the group. The scenarios go on and on. Few of them are likely in a normal society but they are all likely in a post-SHTF society. There are no good answers but it should make you think twice about who you take in.
I’m sure there is some balance I can find – In spite of the fact that I want to believe I can do it all on my own, I can’t. So instead I am working on meeting my neighbors, new and old, and watching who will be lead, who will panic, and who will decide they want to lead. The wife has been joking lately about my plan to ‘dominate the world.’ Naw .. just trying to make sure we are as secure as we can be – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Am I unhappy at the lack of planning/preparing I see? Very, but until you actually stop and say “Wait… that doesn’t make sensw” you don’t get that it’s really possible ‘they’ lied. Most people tend to let others do their thinking for them in lots of places. Thinking for yourself is tiring and scary. What we talk about here is beyond scary – taking full responsibility for your actions AND thoughts. So I plan to be ready when things look scary and my neighbors are likely to be questioning the things they trusted; some will wait too late, some will be in time. I want to be the bug in the ear when it’s time.
Cold: I’ve informed the like-minded preppers in my family that my (and their respective) preps should be reserved for their immediate dependents and those who are *unable* to prep.
Colder: The others, all big boy & girls, who are fully aware of the circumstances & times we live in, are prefectly capable of, and free to accept or reject, responsibility to make their own choices.
My family is pretty close , although I wouldn’t pee on my nephew if he was on fire , worthless sack of @#%^&&
I would help out my non prepping family members ( thats most of them ) because they have always been there for me when I was in need . Blood is thicker than water .
I have a very important question. I am.now married for 5 years. Im.raising my 3 granddaughters ages 12 9 and 5. My husband has 2 young kids as well 12 and 6. We are beginners in prepping but we have established plans for different scenarios. Now his kids mom.is an individual I detest. In 5 years I’ve never heard that woman say anything nice. Now my husband has included her and her new boyfriend into the group since we are building in an undisclosed location. I’m not comfortable with that. I don’t trust it’s that simple. Her character her mind her actions I don’t care how nice she’s with her kids and my husband I don’t like her. How can I deal with such situation? I’m just ready to just finish helping building grabbing my bag and going elsewhere. I think even alone I’ll feel.safer.
The Bible says that in the end times, relatives will turn against each other. We see today children murdering parents, parents murdering children, strangers murdering strangers. We have turned away from God and this is the result.
Turn to Jesus and begin to live your life according to God’s word. That means studying His word and being obedient. You cannot be responsible for other people’s choices, only your own.
If you are in a bad situation, you may have to walk away from it. But trust in God always. Our security is not in people or material things, but in God. Yes, we must do as much as we can for ourselves (we should not be lazy and indifferent to our circumstances) and we should help others who are legitimately unable to help themselves, but our ultimate security is God.
Even if we lose our lives, if we are saved by the blood of Jesus and are obedient to Him, we will end up in Heaven. This age in this world is coming to an end very soon. Giving yourself to Jesus is the best preparation you can possibly make.